Week 8 – Betty Jarra

Posted: May 22, 2011 in Betty Jarra, Week 08

Flying lesson 8

Have to be at a meeting in town. It’s a good meeting with nice friendly people and a walk across half the south part of the city. The walk takes about half an hour, a perfect flying lesson.
I’m already on the tram to the south when I get a tremendous desire to smack my water bottle into the window. I realize that everyone will probably stare at me as if I’m crazy, so I don’t.
But I enjoy the feeling that I can if I want to.

Walking on St. Paul street I still have the urge to smack my bottle into every window. Looking at myself in the windows I pass the emotion is easily detected. Anger of course! But where does it come from?
I slowly scan backward in time and stop at the short meeting I had with this guy who has been annoying me for a while. I always shake him off as irrelevant and not important enough to get upset about. That feeling is still correct, he’s not important enough.
What annoys me is that he has stopped communicating with me. Says nothing at all, not even hello. He even locked me in when leaving, by mistake of course, twice!

I bumped into him just when I left and I simply asked him why he had stopped talking. He mumbled something about having too much to do but I doubt that work would prevent anyone from saying hello and goodbye.
OK, so there’s my anger, but why would I be so angry because of someone who is pretty unimportant in my life?
I keep walking as I’m investigating the anger, it doesn’t feel as if I found the real source so I change focus.
Not to be seen….
If someone passes me every day without a word, even locks me in by mistake (without apologizing afterwards) I am not visible. But this anger is not about his blindness, it’s about my own.
If I pass myself every day without seeing me, without easily giving myself everything I need I will of course not be visible. This makes me angry!
After this discovery, the windows are no longer important targets. Instead I give myself all the attention I need all the way to the meeting.

The meeting is very good and I feel fine.



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